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Diane
Forum Leader
Username: Mary_diane

Post Number: 604
Registered: 02-2009
Posted on Sunday, June 12, 2011 - 02:26 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Transplant Buddies, June 12, 2011

Hello to all of my wonderful friends at TP Buddies. I have been missing you, and my apologies for not being about. I have occasionally lurked to see how people are doing and to meet new people on the site.

Last year ended up being a very hard year for me, and I was stunned that I kind of fell apart. I thought I was pretty strong. The past 5 years I have had 1 huge thing happen after another, and last summer everything seemed to catch up with me. I did not want to be sharing when I was coming from such a dark space.

At a time that I thought that I should be rejoicing at the fact that I have a gift of life, instead I went into a place of sadness and grief for
all of the huge losses in my life, and felt very guilty about the place that I found myself.

But fortunately those feelings are transient and not permanent. I have done some counseling, read a ton, adapted a new dog, and learned how to be mindful in my walks with him. I have also started a 10 month online course called “Awakening Joy”, which is based on a Buddhist Philosophy. A lot of the material is information that I already know, but it is presented in such a way, that it is very helpful in shifting ones mindset. I have found it most useful.

So this spring, I find myself in quite a different mind, and am feeling such joy each morning that I am even here, profound gratefulness for my donor, and sadness for the donor family. I am finding joy in so many little things in my life. I have been very busy with volunteering with the Canadian Pain Coalition, and also in re-engaging with friends, and being much more active.

Now I find that I have so much less time on the computer. But I still want to keep up with everyone, and to be there to help some of the new people through their challenges around transplant. So I will try and make an effort to be on line more..

My transplant has really gone exceptionally well, although I still am feeling less stamina and still tire more easily than before. I am not back at work, which is frustrating, and makes things hard financially. But really I can do so much more that I could, and I see that at 2 and3/4 years out that I am still getting better.

So take care to all of my old Buddies, Thank you so much for the Birthday Wishes, and I would also like to welcome all of the new members that have come on that I do not know.

Take good care

Diane
Diane
Liver Transplant Nov 20, 2008
Vancouver General, BC

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”

Albert Schweitzer

Diane's Blog
eccoblue
Forum Leader
Username: Eccoblue

Post Number: 1852
Registered: 05-2008
Posted on Sunday, June 12, 2011 - 09:57 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Diane, I'm so glad you're doing better after all you've been through. I love the way you write--so eloquent! If anyone should and could write their biography, you should!

Anyway, even though I hide it pretty good, I've been feeling depressed lately, thinking it's burn out, but it's really emotional. Sometimes, I cry for no reason at all. Life can be such a roller coaster ride even without the transplants!

I have missed you my friend! I think about you (and Meagan) a lot. Maybe, I'm Canadian at heart??

Love and hugs,
Kelli
Heart and Liver Tx at Cedars-Sinai on 02/01/2007
Email Kelli
RD Video of Kelli
Eccoblue's Blog
Not So Brave
Fall seven times, stand up eight - Japanese proverb

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. Isaiah 48:10
Diane
Forum Leader
Username: Mary_diane

Post Number: 605
Registered: 02-2009
Posted on Monday, June 13, 2011 - 01:59 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Oh Kelli,
I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Please feel free to write to me at my personal email if you want.

I agree that life can throw a lot of curve balls at us even if we are healthy and well, and it can be quite depressing at times. One can feel like they are in a big black hole and can't get out. I think that throwing in something as big as a transplant can then just be the straw that broke the camels back.

If you like tell me about what is happening for you.

I have missed you too, and I think you have a bit of Canadian in your blood. I would love to whisk you up here and show you around.

I did just hear from Meagan recently and she sounds great, and is doing quite well. I have not heard back from my reply, but it sounds like she is quite busy just enjoying life.

Love and Hugs back to you

Diane
Diane
Liver Transplant Nov 20, 2008
Vancouver General, BC

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”

Albert Schweitzer

Diane's Blog
Meagan
Forum Leader
Username: Newheart14

Post Number: 1922
Registered: 01-2009
Posted on Monday, June 13, 2011 - 03:37 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Diane my friend,
Kelli is right. You are a very talented writer with the deep feelings you have and how you express them. I'm really sorry we weren't able to meet up in Toronto last April. I was still healing from my surgery in January. I'm feeling great now and I wish it was this weekend we were meeting. Hopefully, Nick and I will be able to travel out West one day. Andy and Cisco are trying to get a meeting of the Transplant Buddies next Spring in Chicago. I haven't been able to give a positive yes yet as I'm still working on my confidence level after all the complications I have had. I'm so sorry I didn't reply to your last e-mail. Things have been a little hectic. I have had a lot of tests which hopefully will taper off now. I had clinic last Thursday and both the heart and liver teams are pleased with me and given me the go-ahead to finally travel. However, now I'm afraid to travel, which is so dumb huh? I'm working on it though and I think I just need a little time to rebuild my confidence.

Kelli my girl,
You are already my Canadian sister-friend along with Diane. I'm sorry you've been so depressed. I think all of us go on a bit of a downer at times. I think our meds play a huge part in this. You have been through a lot in your life from birth and onwards, so it's only normal to be feeling some post-traumatic stress and depression. I'm sending you a big healing, feel better hug. Maybe you should go to a movie. I know you enjoy the movies and you're probably missing your bro too. There are a lot of new ones coming out for the summer. How about a shopping trip sister-friend? That works for me ... lol. How are you feeling physically? I know that you already know that if your depression gets worse you should see someone. Like Diane, you know you can e-mail me anytime. I want you to be happy so if it means seeing someone who can help, go for it. OK?

Love and big hugs to both of you.
Meagan xx
Heart-Liver Transplant - February 14, 2008
TGH, Toronto
Cardiomyopathy 1991/CHF
Diane
Forum Leader
Username: Mary_diane

Post Number: 606
Registered: 02-2009
Posted on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 - 01:19 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Meagan and Kelli,

Thank you so much on your compliments around my writing.
I would like to do some writing. But I am not sure how to even go about it.
Who will be my audience? Do I write a book as a novel as your father did Kelli. I am not sure who would be interested in my story when there are so many people out there who have gone through huge dramatic circumstances. So still thinking about it.

Kelli maybe we will have to work together, with your lovely photographs. You are a very talented photographer.

Again just to let you know that I am there for you with what you are going through just now. Huge healing energy coming your way, and much Love.

Meagan, I am so sorry we weren't able to meet in April, but I just have a feeling that we will be meeting up day soon.

Big huge hugs to both of you, and to all of our Buddies in Transplant land.
Diane
Liver Transplant Nov 20, 2008
Vancouver General, BC

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”

Albert Schweitzer

Diane's Blog

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