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mburke17
Member
Username: Mburke17

Post Number: 32
Registered: 02-2011
Posted on Saturday, March 05, 2011 - 10:47 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

I know that there are no words, or even actions, that you can adequately say to someone for them giving you a kidney other than a heart-felt "Thank You". Though, I have been curious as to how others have said thank you to their donor? Was it a dinner? A watch? Some other type of gift?

How did you say thank you...or (if you are waiting to get a transplant) how do you plan to say thank you?
Amy Tippins
Member
Username: Amytippins

Post Number: 11
Registered: 06-2009
Posted on Sunday, March 27, 2011 - 06:46 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

I could not write the words "Thank you for the liver", so I wrote "thank you for giving me the opportunity to be an aunt, thank you for giving me the chance to fall in love, etc". I wrote about the experiences I had gotten to recieve because of the transplant
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BreathinSteven
Forum Leader
Username: Breathinsteven

Post Number: 2276
Registered: 11-2004
Posted on Sunday, March 27, 2011 - 07:39 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Hey Mburke!

You're right -- there are no words or actions that you can adequately say to thank someone for giving a gift like this... Like Amy mentioned -- thanking someone for "a liver" or "a pair of lungs" or "a kidney" just doesn't seem right -- that seems to be reducing it to thanking someone for an object, and what this person, or donor, or family is giving us is a new lease on life... This was my thank-you letter:

http://climbingforkari.blogspot.com/2007/08/steves-letter.html

However -- I'm gathering that you might be talking about a living kidney donor, as opposed to a deceased donor situation that I was involved in, and I think Amy was involved in too... I'm not 100% sure how you would go about thanking your living donor -- and that is something I will likely have to contemplate in the future as so many of us with longer term transplant survival may ultimately need a new kidney due to the toxic effect of the immuno-suppressants and other drugs on our native kidneys...

I think the most important thing is to sincerely thank our donors (or donor families, in the case of deceased organ donation...) Like Amy mentioned -- a letter, note, card explaining the things that you've been able to do, or look forward to doing in the future because of them and because of their gift to you... An explanation of what they've relieved in your life -- eliminating or avoiding dialysis -- reducing or eliminating the struggles we've had with our existing, failing organs or condition -- and maybe an explanation of what those struggles actually are/were... And the things that you have the freedom to do now -- because of their gift...

The value of this gift to us, and the sacrifice and compassion on the part of our donors or donor families in order to give us these gifts sometimes makes it difficult to come up with the words or the gesture with which to thank them -- but it's something that we should try to do... A dinner, watch or a gift is something tangible and it could be very meaningful -- but sometimes I think, in this situation -- it needs to be a thought and/or a feeling put on paper -- if it's short enough, even engraved into something that can be kept -- something that helps them understand that, as you enjoy your life and the gift you've been given, that you will think of them and remember thier compassion and thoughfulness, and you'll remember who was responsible for this gift...

Good luck... It's one of the more difficult things to do in life...

Love, Steve
Steve
CF, Dbl-Lung Recip April 2000
www.ClimbingForKari.org
www.ReviveHope.com

www.youtube.com/SteveFerkau
ARCforeveryoung
Member
Username: Arcforeveryoung

Post Number: 2
Registered: 03-2011
Posted on Monday, March 28, 2011 - 10:17 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

My brother passed away last June at age 21 & donated all of his organs. We received the most beautiful letters from his heart, kidney, lung, & pancreas receipients. Every one of them described with us how receiving that organ had changed their lives. They told us what they could now do with the new gift of life. Hearing about how receiving his organs drastically changed their lives was exactly what we needed to hear. I find comfort in the letters & reread them often, as I'm sure many families do. No matter what you say, the family will know how grateful you are for the gift of life.
miocean
Member
Username: Miocean

Post Number: 84
Registered: 07-2010
Posted on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 - 11:09 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

There are beautiful cards available to thank your donor. http://www.organbuddies.com/GreetingCards.htm

I have sent cards with notes to my donor's family at milestones during the past year letting them know how the gift of life has improved mine. I send them to an Organ Sharing Network with identifying info about my transplant and they forward them to the family. It is all done anonymously. I have not heard back from them and, in all honesty, don't need to. I just want them to know how much it means to me.

In the case of a living donor, perhaps a donation "in memory of" to their favorite charity. It must take money to run this site, maybe here?

miocean
Diffuse Scleroderma
Kidney Transplant March 11, 2010
St. Barnabas Medical Center, Livingston, NJ
anderson111
Member
Username: Anderson111

Post Number: 12
Registered: 02-2011
Posted on Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - 12:11 am:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

It is all done anonymously. I have not heard
Jo
Member
Username: Oxygirl

Post Number: 241
Registered: 05-2009
Posted on Saturday, April 02, 2011 - 06:12 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

I am looking forward to finally being able to write to my donor family. There are so many things I've written down that want to say. I keep reading my letter over and over to see if there is any way I could express my gratitude more and at the same time avoid causing any suffering by reading my letter. Almost every day, I experience something or am able to do something that I stop and think, "I wish I could tell them that I'm doing this....that MY DONOR AND I are doing this. " I'll be sending my letter off very soon, and I just pray it is received in the way I intended it.
Dx with BOOP/IPF Nov 2004
Listed Dbl Lung Tx Jan 13 2010
Double Lung tx Sept. 17, 2010
Emory Hospital Atlanta
Hostess Meagan
Forum Leader
Username: Newheart14

Post Number: 1841
Registered: 01-2009
Posted on Thursday, April 07, 2011 - 12:01 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Jo,

I'm sure your letter will be well received.

Writing to my donor family was easy as well as difficult for me, and rather painful. It was easy in the sense that I spoke from my heart, but difficult because they are so strict here in Canada with confidentiality laws that it was hard to maintain my anonymity. We can not mention our name, gender, address, etc. We can't even mention what organ we received. It took two letters from me, but I finally received a response from my donor's mother. In the letter she told me how my letter helped her get off her couch and get her life back.

If you don't hear back, sometimes it just means that their grief is very deep, but I'm sure any donor family would welcome a thank you letter, and would love to hear how their wonderful gift(s) have helped you regain your life.

Meagan
Forum Leader
Heart-Liver Transplant - February 14, 2008
Toronto General Hospital, Toronto, Canada
Idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy 1991 and CHF

- Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept trying when there seemed to be no hope at all - Dale Carnegie
- Bumps in the road can sometimes be mountains, so I have learned to climb mountains - Meagan

Meagan's Blog
Kate/Jeremy's Mom
Member
Username: Dixieluvinchik

Post Number: 263
Registered: 06-2009
Posted on Sunday, April 10, 2011 - 05:48 am:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Hi Buddies!

I saw this post awhile back, I got busy and told myself, "Self, you have things to do, do them, then get back on the computer later." WAY later, it turns out.

I am so comforted by letters I've received from the people who have their needed organs because Jeremy was an organ/ tissue donor. We promised each other, to make sure no one in our family would stop us from donating if and when the time came. Most of us are donors, but You never know how folks could feel during the shock of losing a loved one.

Two years ago at noon central time, Jeremy was pronounced brain dead. I was so afraid his wife would not allow him to donate. I was Jeremy's next of kin when we had the conversation. Before we left the hospital, She told me they were flying Recipients in to get them ready for surgery, They would take Jeremy in the 12th. She was afraid I would try to stop him. On the worst day of both our lives, we smiled at each other when we admitted our fear.

As A donor, I believe it is the last good thing we can do. It could so easily be us needing an organ. Tell your donor about your life, or your donor's family, don't allow yourself to feel survivor's guilt, GOD'S plan, not our's.
We can't handle that job. Nothing you say is going to be wrong.

Don't waste money on gifts. If you both want to "do lunch," maybe. HA!
Love, Kate
Kate/Jeremy's Mom
registered organ/ tissue donor

Jeremy donated Easter morning,4/12/2009

-"How can we not be organ/tissue donors?" -Jeremy D. 11/28/80 - 04/11/09
- Baton Rouge,LA. USA-
anderson111
Member
Username: Anderson111

Post Number: 26
Registered: 02-2011
Posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 - 04:35 am:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Normally as we say thank you to other....
health journey
Member
Username: Health_journey

Post Number: 2
Registered: 04-2011
Posted on Monday, May 02, 2011 - 06:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

I sent a letter through a Donor Sharing network thanking my donors family. I just sat down with writing paper and the words came to me. The network contacted me and said the family wanted my letter so it was sent to them,. I did not give them my name and they did not respond but I was so glad I sent that letter to let them know how grateful I am.
Erin
Member
Username: Sagesmama

Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2011
Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2011 - 09:08 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

As a donor mom who has heard form one of our 2 transplant recipients, we were just thrilled to hear that they were alive. That is really all we wanted to hear, that they were breathing, laughing, smiling, and growing. At our daughter's celebration of life one of our friends who was a heart recipient asked us after how does he say "thank you"? AFter hearing us talk about it he had felt that he really should finally say it but had no idea how to. He recently passed away due to failure of his heart. I can't say if he ever did write or not. As for us, we still haven't heard back from our heart recipient and I'm not sure what to write next to them without sounding creepy.
Hostess Rise'
Board Administrator
Username: Rise

Post Number: 16153
Registered: 05-2003
Posted on Sunday, May 08, 2011 - 10:15 am:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Hello Health Journey and Erin

Welcome to Transplant Buddies:-)

Glad to have you both with us and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Erin- Donor Families are all very special to us. Please visit more often as you will get to meet our donor family members.
CF- dx at 2yrs. 2nd double lung tx-05

Debra Fertel MD- Jackson Memorial Hospital Si Pham MD, Professor of Surgery

Anas Hadeh MD, Cleveland Clinic, Weston, Florida Cystic Fibrosis consultant- Critical Care and Sleep Medicine

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Staggerin' Dave
Member
Username: Rodeonm

Post Number: 12
Registered: 07-2011
Posted on Sunday, August 07, 2011 - 01:45 am:   Edit Post Delete Post Print Post

Many years ago I wrote a letter to my donor's family after hearing a grieving father talk about donating his daughter's organs upon her death. I didn't know whether or not I would get a response. In 1989 I received a reply from the donor's mom and I invited her to attend an NBA basketball game with me. It was a wonderful experience. I think the hug was the best gift either of us could ever offer one another.

Little did I know then that, a mere 4 years later, I would be the one donating my child's organs upon her premature death. I have not heard from any of her recipients (although I was thanked by the local OPO) since that day. I am not bitter but do believe that it is incumbent upon the recipient to make the initial inquiry.

I can say, with absolute certainty, that the emotional pain of losing a child (or loved one) far outweighs the physical pain of receiving and maintaining a transplanted organ. I am forever grateful for the gift bestowed upon me by a grief stricken mother on the worst day of her life. Thank you Goldie.
Cadaveric Kidney Transplant (08/87)
Hepatitis C (08/87) from kidney tx
Organ Donor dad {(Virginia, 15) 02/93}
USPS clerk 1988-present

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