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Hostess Rise'
Forum Leader Username: Risa
Post Number: 11378 Registered: 05-2003
| Posted on Sunday, November 29, 2009 - 04:04 pm: |
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Choose to See the Upside by Dr. karen Sherman There are times in life due to certain circumstances that will make it challenging to feel happy or upbeat. Generally, these are not things you can even anticipate. Losses of all types happen: finances, sickness, broken relationships. And when these things occur around the Holidays, they seem to be even more devastating. As I've often stated before, you cannot control when things happen and you also cannot control how others act. However, you do have a choice as to how you react to these matters. No one is suggesting that you do away with your feelings completely; that would be unhealthy. But when you make a choice to not dwell on the negative, you will be making an impact on your health - both physically and psychologically. Choice Tips: As taught in a class on Positive Psychology, do an exercise to increase gratitude. Each night (it has to be done at night), write down three things for which you are grateful for that day (it must be written to be effective). They should be small things like you didn't hit traffic. The idea is to find more and more small things to make you happy enabling you to find more and more small things in life that make you happy. If something bothers you, ask yourself, "Will this upset me in a month, in a year, in five years?" This query allows you to put things in perspective. When something bad happens consider what the lesson in it is. Even bad things offer meaning. If there is something tragic that occurs, consider that it happened as a reminder to help you take on a broader awareness of the important things in life. Try to laugh more; humor is very helpful for "letting go" and seeing things in a different light. Try to see the very same situation from a different perspective (this is called a reframe). When you look at it in a different way, it often isn't as upsetting. Learn to accept others (and yourself) as they are -- warts and all. No one is perfect and our diversity is what keeps us interesting and allows us to learn from one another. Know that whatever is upsetting will pass. When things are bad, one of the best things to do is hold your partner - it gives each other a sense of security.
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Hostess Rise'
Forum Leader Username: Risa
Post Number: 11654 Registered: 05-2003
| Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 11:58 am: |
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Choose to See the Upside by Dr. Karen Sherman There are times in life due to certain circumstances that will make it challenging to feel happy or upbeat. Generally, these are not things you can even anticipate. Losses of all types happen: finances, sickness, broken relationships. And when these things occur around the Holidays, they seem to be even more devastating. As I've often stated before, you cannot control when things happen and you also cannot control how others act. However, you do have a choice as to how you react to these matters. No one is suggesting that you do away with your feelings completely; that would be unhealthy. But when you make a choice to not dwell on the negative, you will be making an impact on your health - both physically and psychologically. Choice Tips: As taught in a class on Positive Psychology, do an exercise to increase gratitude. Each night (it has to be done at night), write down three things for which you are grateful for that day (it must be written to be effective). They should be small things like you didn't hit traffic. The idea is to find more and more small things to make you happy enabling you to find more and more small things in life that make you happy. If something bothers you, ask yourself, "Will this upset me in a month, in a year, in five years?" This query allows you to put things in perspective. When something bad happens consider what the lesson in it is. Even bad things offer meaning. If there is something tragic that occurs, consider that it happened as a reminder to help you take on a broader awareness of the important things in life. Try to laugh more; humor is very helpful for "letting go" and seeing things in a different light. Try to see the very same situation from a different perspective (this is called a reframe). When you look at it in a different way, it often isn't as upsetting. Learn to accept others (and yourself) as they are -- warts and all. No one is perfect and our diversity is what keeps us interesting and allows us to learn from one another. Know that whatever is upsetting will pass. When things are bad, one of the best things to do is hold your partner - it gives each other a sense of security. Additional Resources I Recommend: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity....It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melodie Beattie If you haven't seen this video, you must take a look at it! There are just so many lessons to be learned by watching it. Click to Watch http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html And just in case you are having trouble finding things to be grateful, here's something to help: Click to Read http://controlyourdestiny.wordpress.com/2009/02/23/may-be-the-nicest-email-ever/ Since this is a newsletter about relationships, here's an interesting article about how, in times of adversity, marriage can help: Click for Article http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1914321,00.html Empowering Tools and Information: As you may or may not know, my childhood background is one of exceptional dysfunction. Yet, I now look back at it with gratefulness. Yes, you read that correctly. Even though there were many tough challenges, I believe that they made me stronger and able to learn and then teach tools to help others. Do you know that you don't have to be a prisoner to your past? Rather, you can live a life of joy! Take a look at my award-winning self-help book,Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life to learn the tools that can give you the choice to have the life you deserve.
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Hostess Rise'
Forum Leader Username: Risa
Post Number: 11986 Registered: 05-2003
| Posted on Monday, January 04, 2010 - 04:44 pm: |
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It's Time for a Change-Karen Sherman PhD. If you're like most people, the New Year is the time that you think about making resolutions. It seems like a good time to do so -- after all, it's the beginning of a whole new year, a time for a fresh start. Of course, most people also have trouble sticking to their resolutions. Here are a couple of hints to help you maintain your plan: break your goal into small goals otherwise it's just too overwhelming. When you achieve the small goal, reinforce yourself and then do the next small goal. Let others know you're trying to change a behavior because support and accountability will help you. Know that change is not a constant upward process. Rather, it's more like a spiral; so expect there to be setbacks. That way when they happen, you won't be blind-sided and you can continue the process. Also, be aware that any new behavior takes 21 days to become a habit. For some or you, the behaviors you're trying to change may be deep-rooted. They may be patterns you learned when you were a child. These will be more difficult to break. Oddly, even though you may not be happy with some of the results you get, at least you know how to do what you've always done. So, comfort wins out -- change is scary. But also know that there are tools to help you deal with these "wired-in" patterns. Most important of all, please remember these two things: you can make change any time you want -- you do not have to wait until a new year and believe in Yourself! Choice Tips: One of the best things you can do to change yourself is learn to meditate. This has been found to be good for your health both physically and psychologically. It will certainly allow you to not react to situations. Remember that your reactions are the only thing you can control. When you are less reactive, you will experience less stress. Even if you don't meditate, sitting in stillness for 5 minutes a day will help. Start to turn your attention to the present; focus on the now. Truly, there is no sense worrying about what has happened in the past - it's over and you can't change it. There is no sense concerning yourself with the future as you cannot predict what will happen. But by staying focused in the now, you can enjoy what is around you. Learn from all of your experiences, even the negative ones, rather than being self-critical and regretful. Be willing to accept someone for the "whole" of who they are. People are different and people are imperfect. But when you can capture the essence of the person rather than the minor transitional moments that do pass, you can enjoy life more. And if you provide a more loving attitude in general for others, they are more likely to flourish. Help change the world with little gestures: when you ask, "How are you?" wait to hear the answer, hold a door open for someone, smile at a stranger. Don't put things off -- take the time now to enjoy yourself and those you love. In reality, none of us knows how long our time is. Let the people who are important to you know that they are. Remember that life is a journey. Focus more on the process and not on the end result. Additional Resources I Recommend: Tolle, E, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. Penguin (2008). To start your Year off with fun, watch this video: http://antwrp.g sfc.n asa.gov/apod/ap080722.html I've shared this video with you before, but I absolutely love it and find it so inspiring: Click here: Take time to live! Empowering Tools and Information: I'm very excited to share the following news with you. "Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life" is about to go into a 2nd edition. The main addition to the first printing is that now included are sections about how to use the tools in your relationships as well as in situations in the future. I also want to share with you that I'll be interviewed on several radio shows that are upcoming: 1. 12/30: 11:00 (ET) - "The Iris Fanning Show" at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/iris-fanning-show. You can call-in at (718) 664-6339. 2. 1/3: Check scheduling at www.630ched.com for local times for my interview on "At Home with Cheryl Gillespie." 3. 1/4: 2:00 PM (ET) - "Healthy Lifestyles" with Barbara Mendez at www.nytalkradio.net. . ** This show will be repeated on Wed., 1/5 at 5:00 PM and Th., 1/6 at 9:00 PM. 4. 1/5: 5:00 PM (ET) repeat of "Healthy Lifestyles" (see above) 5. 1/6: 3:00 PM (MST) - "Mom's the Word" with hosts Maura Ridder & Maureen Brown at Denver KZ 560AM and stream live at www.560thesource.com. Later that day 9:00 PM (ET) - repeat of "Healthy Lifestyles" (see above) 6. 1/11: 2:00 PM (CT) - "Sheila Smoot On Your Side" www.wagg610.com. You can call in to this show in Alabama at (205) 741-WAGG 7. 1/25: 3:00 PM (MST) - "Live the Day Radio" with Coach Rachelle Disbennett Lee at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Coach-Lee48. You can also call in to this show in Colorado at (646) 929-2440 8. 1/28 at 3:00 PM (ET) -- "Missing Power Radio" with host Doug Evans which can be heard at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/missingpower. You can call in at (347) 324 - 3335
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