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Message |
pamjs53
Member
Username: Pamjs53
Post Number: 23
Registered: 07-2011
| | Posted on Saturday, August 30, 2014 - 08:14 pm: | 
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I have, what I consider to be a different kind of question. I have known that I had Polycystic Kidney Disease since I was 30 years old. I inherited this from my Father's side of the family.
I have always considered myself a good housekeeper. I wouldn't say I was a fanatic, I just like a clean picked up house. I was married once at 18 and divorced at 30. I have a 35 year old daughter from that married. I got divorced in 1984, with no plans of marrying again. Well. never say never! In 2010 I met, what I thought was a wonderful man. For 3 years before we got married, we spent a lot of time at each others houses. When I would be at his house, it was clean, for the most part. It wasn't perfect, but what singles man's house is.
Well. because I really loved this man, I threw caution to the wind and we got married on August 17, 2014. Since we got married, he hasn't lifted a finger to help clean our house. I do 100% of the work no matter how tired I am. We have 2 bathrooms, one that only he uses. It is so filthy I won't even go in there. Without getting too graphic, the toilet is absolutely disgusting. He also has his own room, he calls a man cave. I won't go in there either! It is so dirty, I can't find my way from one end of the room to another. I have tried and tried to get him to clean it, but he won't!
I really feel as though he misled me before we got married. After we married, He told me that the only time he cleaned his house was when I was coming over. The rest of the time, it was a mess. We both work and I feel the housework should be shared, he now tells me it is woman's work.
I am so frustrated at this point, I don't know what to do! I have threatened to get a housekeeper, but he won't allow it or pay for it. Because of my weakened immune system, I am afraid I will be catching all types of illnesses. I have already been hospitalized 2 times in the year we have be married.
I am seriously thinking of getting an annulment because I was mislead as the type of person he was. I am at my wits end! Any suggestions?
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Cora
Member
Username: Cora
Post Number: 567
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Monday, September 01, 2014 - 03:12 pm: |
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Hi there. I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you are prepared, completely prepared, then go for it. Something to try in the meantime is something as simple as hand washing and teeth brushing (hopefully not in the crud encrusted area) on a very regular basis. My hubby is a fanatic about washing his hands. Not obsessive, but I can certainly trust that anything he touches is clean. If not, talking to one of your docs about the possible health issues with germs endangering you, or hiring some sort of environmental person to check out these rooms for germs and bugs, might be the route to go. And help keep you safe. That's what's important for you and those who love you.
Dx with T1 in 1966
Kidney tx in Minneapolis 2002
Pancreas tx in 2008 |
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miocean
Member
Username: Miocean
Post Number: 223
Registered: 07-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2014 - 08:14 am: |
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Pam,
It sounds like you are already very unhappy in this new marriage. The first thing I would suggest is marriage counseling. My guess is your husband won't go by things you wrote. If not, I suggest going to a counselor yourself.
That said, you have to do what is best for you. You have to cut your losses and run sometimes, especially before you get in too deep. If he misled you about one thing, what other things will he mislead you about?
Been there, done that.
Diffuse Scleroderma
Kidney Transplant March 11, 2010
St. Barnabas Medical Center, Livingston, NJ |
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tuhumom
Member
Username: Tuhumom
Post Number: 3
Registered: 10-2014
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2014 - 11:49 pm: |
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Very interesting discussion. As a former kidney disease sufferer, I know how frustrating it can be to find answers. Just wanted to share a link that helped me out a lot when I was struggling to get better:
http://journalofnaturalhealth.com/kidney/kidneyhealth.html
Best of luck to everyone! |
tuhumom
Member
Username: Tuhumom
Post Number: 4
Registered: 10-2014
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2014 - 11:52 pm: |
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Very interesting discussion. As a former kidney disease sufferer, I know how frustrating it can be to find answers. Just wanted to share a link that helped me out a lot when I was struggling to get better:
http://journalofnaturalhealth.com/kidney/kidneyhealth.html
Best of luck to everyone! |
Gene
Member
Username: Gene2x
Post Number: 61
Registered: 11-2011
| | Posted on Thursday, October 23, 2014 - 02:57 am: |
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The guy sounds like a real jerk. If he's so insensitive to your needs that he won't meet you at least half way, then he needs to get tossed overboard. Your idea of an annulment sounds reasonable. i'm sorry it's come to this. Unfortunately a lot of men never learn that once their moms stops picking up for them, that they need to do it themselves. Guys like that seem to be looking more for a new mom than a wife and partner.
Kidney Tx - Aug 4, 2011
VA Pittsburgh Health Care Center
Follow UPMC non-steroidal protocol
Live donor was my radio operator in Vietnam
1/6 match |
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